Living in a cloud

Do you ever have so much to do you feel like you're in a haze... Your mind reels with all the things you need to do. You don't know how you'll get it all done in time! That's how I am right now.

Applying to 8 graduate schools is A LOT of work! I'm glad to hear that my resume looks good. I'm glad to hear that my chances might actually be good at getting in. Actually... glad is a HUGE understatement. They are pieces of relief. Moments to calm me. But my head still doesn't feel like it's quite straight. I CANNOT believe it is October 18. I CANNOT believe that football season just ended! I CANNOT believe I haven't taken a picture in over 3 months! Where has the time gone?

Sorry, that was a little digression... back to applications... It is so hard to fill out these applications. I want things to be PERFECT. I spent lots of time on my resume to make it look stellar. I got lots of good feedback (by-the-way Kate, I'm sending you another copy today... any final suggestions/ proof-reading would be great-- ( no misspelling of available, right Giselle?))... but now the 8 essays... Flipping between 8 different websites. Meeting different length requirements. Making sure I say what I need to say to each school.

I wish I could simply things and just simply tell them my exact thoughts. You know? Just kind of give them a bullet list of why they should take me.
-This is the first thing I have been passionate about.
-All I want is to be accepted to grad school so I can gain the tools I need to help people in this field!
-Ever since I learned that this is what I've wanted to do, I have done nothing but try to do everything I could to prepare.
-I work hard at everything I want to do, and I have determination that lets me succeed. I will keep trying until I get in, so please save me some grief, and just take me now!
-When people say they wouldn't be able to give people bad news, and ask if I'll be able to handle this career... I just tell them: I think of it as telling them the truth. By letting them know what they are dealing with, and helping them figure out how to cope the best way they can. I know that I can help them. So since I can handle giving them this helpful information, shouldn't I?

That's what I have to say in my essays. But it has to sound good, and I have to show what I've done to be ready. It's hard for me because I'm not one to say I'm better than others, all I can say is that I strive to be the best version of myself possible. (and that thought process is thanks to my mom and dad for raising me to understand that doing that can let me achieve what I want).

So wish me luck as I struggle to finish these applications. Wish me luck that I don't freak out... I am SO nervous, and KNOW that I should not be. But part of me is nervous because I know that either way, life will change after this year. I'm not scared of this change, I can't wait for it. Oddly, I'm nervous because I don't know which hard situation I will have to deal with in 6 months. I really want to get into grad school and start preparing for my career so that I can start working when I'm 26... but if I do, how far away from Dave and my family will I be? If I don't get in, where will I find a job? I will have to prepare for major life changes in 6 months, regardless... and I wish I could slowly prepare myself now. So the focus: prepare for graduate school, and hope that I only have to apply once. No. I will only have to apply once. And I will be fine no matter what happens... That's my pep talk. Now I just have to keep that in my head as I work on these essays.

P.S. Yes, this is a very long post. I'm shocked if you're still reading! But truly, this is just a post for me. A reminder of positive thoughts to help me each day of this process. (and maybe a reference for the passion and determination I want to convey in my essays)