Bipolar Week

I would like to start out saying that I am not bipolar. This week my mood/thoughts kept changing so quickly that I seemed to flip from one extreme to the next.

I made 2 doctors appointments this week. The dentist was able to get me in the day after I made my appointment! (AMAZING!!). The dental hygienist was very nice and good. Apparently I am doing a very good job brushing and flossing (I knew this, but she still told me many times). She also tried to smooth out my fillings that keep catching on floss since they were redone at my last appointment. My gums were covering part of one of the fillings so she couldn't fix it all the way, but I was pleased that she told me why, and that my gums were likely swollen at these places because of trouble flossing. That's a double edged sword in my opinion... Swollen gums could mean gum regression if I am not mistaken, but because of the troubles more plaque will build up if I don't floss. So I wouldn't want to floss less because then I would hurt the tooth, but flossing hurts the gums. I can't win! For now, my teeth looked good and the big fillings seem to be doing their job... hooray!
The dentist was nice too. He kept seeing throughout the whole office during my appointment. It was kind of amusing. Anyhow... he was nice until we got to the discussion about my jaw issues, and bite-plate not fitting.. etc. I have an aversion to people telling me things in certain tones, or using certain words. There are ways of explaining problems to people that don't make them feel like crap. I was explaining that I would like them to try and make my bite-plate work otherwise I'm going to buy some cheap thing and make a similar piece myself. I'm not going to shoot out another $350 when in the next year or two I will have to have more fillings or a new crown and this will make my bite-plate not fit. He came in and had me move my jaw around. He could see it swing, pop, click, and lock. He told me I'm "destroying my jaw by not wearing a mouth guard" and that I "have to wear one every night or I will completely destroy it". Duh. Now, can you get insurance to pay for it? Of course not. So that made me angry because I felt like he wasn't giving any consideration to my reasoning for not just saying OK and getting a new one. He did agree on Monday to meet with me again to try and make my mouth piece now work better. Hopefully it will, because otherwise he's going to make me feel really bad about myself for not having him order me a new one.

In other news... I finally got more information about the study that I am going to most likely be working on. Still not quite enough, but I'm moving in the right direction. I got the information Thursday night and met with one of my project advisers to talk about protocol writing. He wants me to have the protocol done in a week. (ummm... I've never written a proposal before...) This terrifies me. Joy.

I found myself extremely happy Thursday morning for no apparent reason. Just in a good mood. Yesterday afternoon I was too (likely because it was so nice outside!). Then last night I would have done anything to be back in Columbus surrounded by all my friends. I just want to sit around and relax with a small group of friends. I want to be able to call them up and have them come over in the evening, like last year. I want to have it not be such an event, but just socializing. And I want it to be reliable. Friends that I know will want to be doing the same thing. Where I can be in pj's and it doesn't matter at all. Last weekend it was really nice when Dave was here and Shelley and her Dave came over and we played games and chat for a while. I want THAT, more often. And I want people to want me to come to their place for the same thing. To just want to hang out with me. Sure going out is great, and I really like it. And planning outings is a lot of fun. But not all the time for me, just sometimes. Some days I'll splurge and pay for a full-price movie, but not often. Most of the time I'm content seeing what's on TV... and getting to chat with the people I'm watching a movie with. So it makes me very lonely sometimes. I have no problem inviting myself sometimes, figuring people could always do the same if I forgot to mention it to them. But not all the time... I want to be invited and thought of at some point. There's not much I can do about it though. So it's time to let it go and just keep chugging along. Enjoy the weather by myself and just wait for the next 15 months and 1 week to go by. THANK GOODNESS I know that there are only 15 months until this "problem" will no longer bother me!

Other bipolar news? Nope. I did treat myself to the bagel factory today though. I can't wait to eat my donuts later! I also met with a wedding photographer today. But that's it for now... here's to hoping good weather makes my alone time study-productive!!